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For those of you confused by "The Idiot-Certain Plant" - Kitty's Writey Thingy [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
A little bi-furious

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For those of you confused by "The Idiot-Certain Plant" [Sep. 21st, 2010|05:56 pm]
A little bi-furious
[mood |gigglygiggly]
[music |Auto-Tune The News #5: lettuce regulation, American blessings]


Title: The Foolproof Plan
Fandom: Hetalia
Pairings/Characters: Italy/Germany, Romano/Prussia, Canada, super secret surprise character
Rating: PG-13 for mentions of sex
Warnings: I never intended for this original here to be read, so it includes overly flowery writing, never calling Italy the same thing twice, a plot point that I put in specifically because I'd been thinking of how stupid it was, and creepy Romano because I thought it was funny.
Summary: Romano and Prussia devise a plan to make their brothers spend more time with them.
 

 

Prussia was a fairly lonely nation, mainly because he wasn't a nation at all anymore. All he had left was the little brother his land and his people had become a part of, and memories. And now some man-child with more hair than brains was luring HIS Germany away with his pasta and idiocy and public nudity. The interloper had to be stopped.

Romano had been separated from his brother for too long. Italy was supposed to be one nation, one household, not one brother living with a sweet, adorable, tomato-loving bastard and the other wandering around with no protection. Veneziano was so innocent, so trusting, that he was certain to be taken advantage of without someone taking care of him. Someone with his best interests in mind, which meant Romano. Nobody else was trustworthy, and certainly not the overly buff blond who had lured dear sweet Veneziano into his bed and learned the secrets of his body. Romano was about to ensure his place as the only nation who knew those secrets, as soon as he figured out how...

They were thrown together by fate and a gaggle of pedestrians, like destined lovers would be. Romano found himself shoved backward into someone and when he whipped around to shout "WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, ASSHOLE!" when his eyes met Prussia's and each desperately posessive older brother recognized a kindred spirit. They crept into the shadows arm in arm and created a foolproof plan to separate their siblings.

Then time passed, and I don't care enough to write about it because it'll be incomprehensible anyway.

Two days later, Germany found Canada on his front porch.

Then he found Canada's lips on his own.

Meanwhile, Romano was pointing wildly at them. "See, Veneziano? That bastard doesn't care about you!"

"I don't want to look," Veneziano sobbed against his brother's chest. "I loved him! How could he?"

Italy is known for music, painting, and food, not literature, so Northern Italy didn't realize this was the oldest trick in the book.

Germany pushed Canada off him just after Northern Italy ran away crying. Funny how that works.

"Why did you do that?"

"I'm sorry," Canada whispered, "but I had to." Then he ran, because nobody wants to stay close to an angry Germany.

When he reached his house, Veneziano called Germany. "If you love Canada more than me, I won't get in your way," he sniffled.

"Wait, you don't understand!"

"I understand perfectly. I hope he makes you happy, but I don't want to talk to you again."

Northern Italy slammed the phone down and curled up on his bed, crying again.

Germany was desolate. He found it hard to focus, and even the best sausages tasted like ash to him. Prussia was always hanging around, bugging him to go out drinking or play cards or egg Austria's house, but there didn't seem to be much point anymore.

So Veneziano is miserable and Germany is miserable, but what about Canada? Prussia and Romano had promised that if he kissed Germany when they told him to, they would show him how to keep from being mistaken for his brother. (Wow, there are a lot of brothers in this story.) Two weeks had passed and they hadn't contacted him. Canada was starting to get ticked off.

"I held up my end of the bargain," he told Prussia. "When will you hold up yours?"

But Prussia only rolled his eyes and said "Go away, America."

"I held up my end of the bargain," Canada repeated to Romano, "so when will you do what you promised?"

"Solve your own problems," said Romano. "I'm busy. My little brother has been crying uncontrollably for two weeks, and I have to lick the tears off his face and remind him that no one will ever love him the way I do."

"That," said Canada, "is extremely creepy, and if my brother ever tried that on me I would punch his teeth in. Since you and Prussia have forgotten about our deal, I'll forget about it too." He ran around the side of the house and knocked on Northern Italy's window.

Italy's red-rimmed eyes glared back. "What do you want, homewrecker?"

"I want to apologize. I kissed Germany because your brother and Prussia wanted to break you two up. He never had any interest in me."

"OH NO!" said Northern Italy. "I have to find him and apologize!" He jumped out the window and ran away.

"Damn kids," Switzerland growled as Italy ran through his yard. "Get off my lawn!"

Veneziano did get off Switzerland's lawn, but only when he reach the end of it and ended up running through Germany's yard instead. When he reached Germany's house he charged straight into the door, wailing "I'M SORRY!"

Prussia heard the commotion and ran to open the door before Germany did.

"What do you want?"

"Canada told me everything," Veneziano said to one of the nations who had plotted against him, "and I have to apologize."

"Germany won't talk to you. he's... dead or something. Yeah. He died."

This was not the best excuse Prussia could have come up with. Northern Italy was noisy at all times, but his grief could wake the dead.

"GERMANYYYYYY!"
Germany heard.

"Italy?" he asked.

"I can still hear his voice!" Veneziano sobbed.

Germany ran out to see what was going on.

"Ghost of Germany, I'm s sorry! Canada told me everything, so I came here to apologize but I was too late!"

"Too late?"

"And I'm sorry you died! It wasn't my fault, was it?"

"Died? Who told you I was dead?"

Prussia thought this was a good time to hiss "curses! foiled again!" and run away. So he did.

Germany would have chased after his scheming brother had the love of his life not been right there and bawling.

"You died of a broken heart, didn't you? Oh ghost of Germany, can you ever forgive me?" Northern Italy asked, his eyes shining with tears.

Germany swept Veneziano into his arms and kissed him. "Do I feel like a ghost?"

Northern Italy melted. "Oooh," he said, "Germany, I'm so sorry for-" Germany cut him off with another kiss, picked him up, and carried him inside.

Prussia, not knowing where else to go, ran to the house that Romano and Veneziano shared. "Curses!" he shouted to his co-conspirator. 'We've been foiled again!"

"Oh no!" Romano gasped. "Now who will I enfold in my arms during thunderstorms? Who will I whisper to in the dark? Whose tears will I lick from his face?"

"That," said Prussia, "is extremely creepy, but since I am sad and lonely I suppose I will submit to it."

So Romano enfolded Prussia in his arms, and whispered to him in the darkness, and Prussia didn't feel lonely anymore.

As the older brothers eased their loneliness and the younger ones exchanged forgiveness (both through sex, naturally), they didn't hear anyone sneaking up on them.

And as a result, EVERYONE BECAME ONE WITH RUSSIA.

 

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